When I started therapy I was truly losing it. I remember thinking, “I just can’t move forward from here without talking to someone.” One quick internet search, a phone call, and 5 hours later, I was (gratefully) in my first therapy session.
There was intense family stuff going down (*cough* saturn return *cough*). I had never processed one single iota of my childhood, or really, my entire life. But suddenly, it was time. I knew it was time because I could no longer move forward. Everything was triggering me. The feelings I had ignored throughout my life were rising up!
It was overwhelming.
So, I was sitting in that first therapy session, balling my eyes out and telling this therapist my entire life story. It felt really good to share and have someone listen objectively. But at the end of the session I shared my hesitancy, “I don’t really know if I should be in therapy because it’s not like anything really bad ever happened to me.” My therapist looked slightly surprised.
Seven years of therapy later, I still have things to process. This life thing is like an onion, you know? But now, I have astrology and hypnosis clients who come to me with the same questions,
“Do I really have anything to process from my childhood? It wasn’t that bad for me. Anyway, other people have it worse.”
Why do we think we don’t have anything to process? We pretty much all have the same feelings. Happiness, sadness, fear, anger, shock, disappointment, excitement, etc. We may have very different experiences that cause these feelings to come up. But at the end of the day, our feelings are valid. They really are.
Healing is not about comparison, deserving, or appropriateness. It's about learning to love yourself.
Why process your stuff… aka dig in… aka feel your feelings.
Look, maybe you don’t have anything to process from your past. But, quick question for you, do you have anything in your life that feels stuck now? Or could be better? Or is causing you pain? Well, if you answered yes, congratulations! There is something you could process from your past! As my friend and colleague Dana Balicki likes to say, “Everything new is old.” This means that underneath your current problem, there is some old, deep limiting belief. That belief is creating a pattern in your life. Digging in to find the root of the pattern helps. Allowing the feelings instead of ignoring them helps. Holding a vision for how you would like it to be different helps.
“I’m saving up money to start therapy. I know my relationships aren’t working the way I want them to, and maybe therapy would help…”
That’s what I was saying in the months before starting on my healing journey. It never felt like the right time to start. It seemed like having support could be helpful, but it definitely wasn’t a priority. I was just trying to hold together a life that was not making me happy at all. Pushing that rock up the mountain. Who has time for something like therapy or astrology or energy work when you are busy just holding it together? Amiright? It never occurred to me that by digging in a little deeper, I could learn better skills and create a life that brings me joy. And no one told me, this is for you! Do it! Receive help and support and love. I wasn't getting that memo. It just seemed more straightforward to keep hitting my head against the wall.
So, it wasn't until situations had escalated that I went ahead and started processing my past. I waited until that sh*t was getting so impossible that I just couldn’t move forward any more. Could I have gone earlier? Probably. Do I regret not going early? I don’t like to waste energy on regrets, so I’m satisfied. But, I am saying this all to say- you get to have support. You get to have healing. It is your right. Processing your “stuff” may be uncomfortable or seem unnecessary, but it is the thing that will bring you peace. It will bring you clarity. It is your path to living the life you want to have.
To give you a quick astrological perspective, the planet Saturn is in charge of helping you process the past and build a stronger foundation for the future. Saturn makes a hard angle in it’s orbit every seven years. So you get a chance to dig in every seven years and that energy is emphasized around the ages 29, 58, and 87 when Saturn completes his orbit. We can estimate and say that Saturn touches base with you at ages 7-8, 14-15, 21-22, 28-29, 36-37… you get the idea. (Btw, these numbers don’t add up exactly because, astronomy and stuff, so we need to look at your individual birthday to find the dates of your own personal Saturn cycle.)
(back to business)
Here’s my recommendation about when you should start digging in to process your past if you haven’t yet. Now. Just do it. Chances are, there are things in your life that you would like to be different. Go back to the past to find the root of the issue and heal it. I know it may seem scary, but in actuality, it is the easier path.
I've created a list of 9 tenants of healing. The suggestions on this list will carry you through. They can be your guideposts. They can help you love yourself fully. And Self Love is the master key that fits in all the doors you want to open.
#1 Get support: Feeling supported is a huge help on the healing path. If you already have a support system in place- amazing! You are taking very good care of yourself! If you don't, see if you would feel comfortable opening up to receiving support. You deserve it!
#2 Be willing to change. Clear the way for change and growth to happen by affirming to yourself that you are "willing to change."
#3 Give yourself alone time alone to feel your feelings. Schedule it! Make time to just be.
#4 Journal. Use some of that alone time to reflect through journaling.
#5 Take care of your body. Make sure you are drinking enough water, eating healthy nutrients, and staying active.
#6 Take care of your inner child. This is where you get to use your imagination. Spend some time thinking about what your 5 year old self needs. What would your 8 year old self like to do? Nurture your inner child. Hug her. Take him to yoga class.
# 7 Meditate. This is the way to raise your vibration. Start small and work your way up. If you think meditation sounds boring, then you definitely need to start meditating.
#8 Notice what you "reach for." Aka compulsions. We all have them. They are perfect flags. When you can notice one, it can help show you where there's something that needs to be healed. Use them as tools for healing by slowing down that moment of reaching for something and asking yourself, "Is this thing I'm reaching for meeting an actual need that I have? What is it?" And then- "What feeling needs to be felt right now? Am I lonely? Disappointed? Frustrated?" And then- "Why?" If there is a feeling buried underneath, just let yourself feel it fully.
#9 Gratitude. Keep a gratitude list and add to it every day.
And, to take it one step further, I've created a free guide to help you incorporate these healing tenants into your week.
My favorite part about this guide is that it is actually aligned with the planets. Get ready for some major shifts to happen when you link your personal healing with the natural energy of the week!